we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
