It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
