So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
