awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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