he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
