Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What a dumb baby whore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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