I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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