no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
