Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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