"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
