My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
