We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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