if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
