look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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