So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
