Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
