So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
