she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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