dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
