in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
