so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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