I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
