You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dual....:-)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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