I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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