I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
