Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
