So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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