you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
