the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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