you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
