a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
