for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
