Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
