okay pat passed out under dana's car
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
