It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
