then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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