im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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