Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize