so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
