umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize