Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
