I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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