You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
