i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
