I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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