Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize