Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
