My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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