I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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