I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
