areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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