so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
