I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
