I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
