I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
