She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
