Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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