Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize