I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
