you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
